Depression Has Many Triggers

I think it's about time for another blog. Don't you? Well, here goes anyway. I'm going to elaborate on some news I just received. My youngest daughter, Jennifer, who didn't get to come to Tennessee for our Thanksgiving/Christmas celebration, even though she had already bought a plane ticket, had to cancel her plans to come because her doctor told her that she could not come since her baby, the one inside of her womb right now, was too far along for her to safely do so. She is so sad because her little Daisy, a white, mixed breed part snouzer and part terrier, just got down so sick with arthritis and other complications that the doctor had to put her to sleep, like permanantly, about 8:00pm tonight. She held Daisy, who she has had for more than ten years, in her arms while the doctor administered the drug.

Jennifer has another little four-footer, about four years old of just about the same mixture, only it is, as it's name, Brownie, indicates, brown. Furthermore, she will soon, about January 6th., have another little bundle of joy to occupy her time. So, she should not be too unhappy, but you know, we are human and humans are made like that. We get sad and we cry. First, we get attached to something or someone and that attachment can be very tight, then we fall in love with that something or someone. We will love the thing or person to various degrees based on so many different factors and it's kinda like 'it' or 'they' become a part of us. When we lose a part of ourselves, we feel the pain, whether it be light or heavy. When several light pain producing elements combine together into one ball of sadness, it can be very depressing. For some it is unbearable. Others snap right out of it and go on. We must have something to lock in to and rely on in order to remain stable. Otherwise, we would be like blind men walking a tight rope - no one knowing for certain if our next step will be successful or disasterous.

- A note to my daughter Jennifer - You have someone to hold on to and to rely on and you know who that is. You will get through this shortly. We are sad with you, but let this be something that will help you to be strong in spite of disappointments. We are looking forward to seeing you when the baby, Gabe, arrives.

- An additional note to anyone who may be interested - Why wouldn't my wife let me put the following sentence in this blog? I had to rewrite it as you read it, but I so wanted to make a very long complicated sentence, and she just was not pleased with it. Are all English teachers that way or is it just my wife, Janis? Here's the way I would have done it. "My youngest daughter, Jennifer, who didn't get to come to Tennessee for our Thanksgiving/Christmas celebration, eventhough she had already bought plane tickets, but had to cancel because her doctor told her that she could not come since her baby, the one inside of her womb right now, was too far along for her to safely do so, is so sad because her little Daisy, a white, mixed breed part snouzer and part terrier, which she has had for more than ten years, just got down so sick with autheritus and other complication that the doctor had to put her to sleep, like permanantly, about 8:00pm tonight." :)

Depression

Some of you didn't know that I have just gone through a short time (about 3 weeks) of depression, and that's allright. Even I didn't know how to classify it other than just "sad & half mad" - maybe "down in the dumps" but none of those descriptions can rightly identify the feeling. I am even now aware of the factors that got me down and if I meditated on them I'm afraid I'd get right back in the dumps and carry with me some anger. I did my own psychoanalyzing and decided that the feelings I had were not just sadness and anger at myself for my stupid doings, but were signs of depression. This brief experience gives me the idea that it could take over ones mind and cause him or her to do things that he or she would not ordinarily do. I guess I didn't go into deep depression where that would probably happen because I was able to keep my mind (for what it's worth). I was listening to the radio yesterday and found myself listening to a program where issues concerning depression were being discussed. This really made me aware of the seriousness of the matter. I had never given a lot of thought to it, but recognizing some of the symptoms and then taking a test on line that proved to be helpful, I have decided to post this blog. I may still be struggling with a few issues in the corners of my mind, but I'm gonna be alright. The point I want to make is this: Do not take anyones depressed mood lightly. Be there to lend support if needed and to encourage when appropriate. Do not be pushy or overbearing but watch for the opportunity to give helpful input. Look! I'm not a psycholigist nor a counselor, so 'what do I know', but 'for what it's worth' there it is!

I'm Lonesome Today!

I’m lonesome today! Wednesday morning, my wife Janis and my mom left for Louisiana, leaving me here in the house all alone. Whoopeee! Right? When the cat’s away, the mice will play! Isn’t that the way I have heard it was supposed to be? I thought so, but it’s not working. I don’t know why, but the house seems to be a lot emptier now than when I’m here alone but knowing that Janis will be home about 3:30 or 4:00pm and knowing that my mother may call me at any time. Yesterday, I spent a lot of time on the computer, went to my brother-in law’s house and pestered Mike a little while, and then there was church at 7:00pm. I made it through the day ok.

Today is different. I had a doctor’s appointment this morning at 10:00am (I’ll speak to that in another blog) and after the doctor visit, I took my prescriptions to the drug store and then went to the library. Why not? There’s nothing else pressing to be done. I picked up a couple of DVDs dealing with cabinets, counter tops, and floors. I may learn something from these and they will take up a little of my time while it seems to be passing rather slowly. I decided that this would be a good time for me to go to the thrift store that our church, North Cleveland Church of God, has just recently opened, and see what it looks like. Besides I had a bag full of pants that are too small for me, thanks to my weight loss, and I wanted to give them to the thrift store. I looked around for several minuets and found that it was really a nice store with nice ‘stuff’. Of course, all the ‘stuff’ was used, but it was good. I may have to go back and get some clothes for myself that will fit me in my smaller size.

I left the thrift store and drove out to Grace Assembly, where I used to pastor, and drove around the church. It looked like no one was there so I left and went back by North Cleveland Towers where my mother lives. I know. She’s in Louisiana, but William and Wilbur also live in the Towers. They usually go to some restaurant to eat so I thought I might be able to catch them before they left and invite myself to join them, but they were not there. It was about 11:45am and I was right there at the church so I parked in the church lot and thought I’d just go in and check to see if a pledge I had made about a year and a half ago was paid. It was, so now I guess I’m cleared to pledge to missions and maybe to the “The Miracle Is In The House” campaign that our pastor is launching.

I came back home and heated up some good home-made soup that my wife had left for me and drank a slim-fast shake with it. No, wait! It wasn’t a slim-fast shake. It was an equate shake of some kind. Kinda like a slim-fast.

I guessed then, that I could work on the daily crossword puzzle and I tried, but I didn’t get too many answers, so after cleaning the dishes, I came to this computer and here I am. It’s just 2:00 pm, ya’ll! What am I going to do? Maybe after I post this blog, I’ll take a nap. That sounds like a good idea. As a matter of fact, I think I’ll stop this ‘jibber-jabber’ and do just that.

Oh! Don’t worry about me. I’ll be going to the Peacemaker’s fellowship meal tonight. It’s catered and cost free. I’ll post again in a few (or more) days. See ya later!

Singing the Weekend Blues

Well, I guess it's about time I should be blogging. Sometime it's fun and sometime its not so much fun. Right now may be one of those time when I'd rather be goofing off, doing nothing really worthwhile but I feel a little obligation to let those of you who are interested know how I am doing. So here it is. I'm doing fine! That, said and done, "Goodbye."

No, wait. Wait just a minute. That seems kinda short and even a little rude. I'd better add a little to that so it will be 'more better.' Okay. So, what do you want to hear about. What shall I say. Shall I tell you about my experience Sunday, or about the one Monday? Surely you don't want to spend a lot of time reading a boring blog, so I'll try to spice it up a little.

My last shot was on Wednesday the 9th., and I am scheduled to take another one tomorrow night, Wednesday the 16th. The last one, seemed to be having hardly any effect on me. Saturday, Janis and I planted some flowers that Tammy sent to her mother for Mother's day, and I also did a little hedge trimming and as a result, I pretty well wore myself out. No problem! We got out baths, went to bed and arose to a beautiful Sunday morning. We got ready, rushing at the last minute as usual, left the house, got in the car and began to buckle up and do our thing for the ride to church. It so happened that I brought some ....... well, let's see ....... maybe I should just say, 'men and women don't always think just alike.' I bet (oops! I'm not supposed to bet), but you knew that about men and women, didn't you? Long story Short. I got so upset with Janis that I was trembling. And the crazy thing about it is that it was over some little ole thing that didn't amount to very much. I wanted to do it my way and she wanted me to think about it first. As a result, I was depressed all day long. Well, I thought when I got to Sunday School, Momma will just think it was my medicine working on me. Sure enough, I believe that was what she thought. I didn't want to talk to anybody. I just wanted to go home and lay down and feel sorry for myself, but No! We were having a Mother's day dinner at Bonita's and of course I must go to that. I wasn't hurting physically, so I really couldn't stay home justifiably. Maybe the medicine was working.....by now anyway. I began to notice that I was stuck in that valley of depression. I spent the rest of the day there and thought maybe by morning I'd be OK.

Monday, was the same. I was still just as upset as an old wet hen. I just slept most of the morning. Along about 11:30am, I decided that I'd better go to the RX and get my medicine refilled. I called Fred, and invited myself over to visit with him and Frances because I needed to talk to somebody. Thank God for a good family - for my brothers and sisters. Frances insisted that I eat dinner with them. After talking with them a little while and letting my tears burst forth, I dried my eyes and we ate dinner. Fred and I talked more. I began to feel better somewhere along the way and by the time Janis returned from school, I was doing much better. Still, had some emotions pent up, but I was coming out of that valley. Boy! It's like I fell into that valley and couldn't get out. Thanks Fred and Frances and most of all thanks to God.

As I said, I will have to give myself another shot tomorrow night. The aggravating thing about this is, my symptoms are not consistent. I mean, once I had a terrible itchy rash. Once, it was an elated feeling. About three times it has been a crying spell. And overall, it's been a pretty constant battle with fatigue and it seems that my body must be confused. My understanding was that the side effects would be most prominent within the first 8 to 12 hours and after two or three days I should be back to normal. That is not the way it is working. I am noticing the side effects after about two or three days, and then they last about two or three days. That means about Saturday, Sunday and/or Monday is my worst days. That is not the way I would have done this if I was in control of things. Since when did I think I was in control anyway. I gave up control when I was born and Momma and Daddy was in control. I gave up control when I joined the Air Force and Uncle Sam was in control. I gave up control again when I married my wife. Right!? Well, maybe she gave up control too, but if that's so, then whose in charge? Most significantly, I gave up control when I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Master and 'He has everything under control'. Now, I like that.

I'm feeling pretty good right now. I guess this blogging is doing its therapeutic work. I may have to borrow your sympathetic ears again in a few days---but until then, "my heart will go on singing".