I'm Not Lazy - Just Tired!

I don't know where I heard it the first time, but I've heard it many times since. Maybe, the most I've heard it is from my own lips. "I'm not lazy. I'm just tired." I used to think I was lazy because I had no reason to be tired, but still I didn't want to do anything and what I did was like pulling a locomotive along behind me. Well, at one point in my life, the doctors discovered a medical condition that attributes to extreme fatigue. That doesn't sound as bad as lazy, and besides if there is a medical condition connected to it, it seems to be more excusable.

You know, I'm not so sure that any ailment causes me to be so fatigued. Oh, I know that there are conditions that cause extreme fatigue, but I'm just not so sure that, that is the case for me. Besides, I have something else to blame my "fatigue" on now. So, if I'm pressured about my frequent sluggishness, I can choose to say that I have been diagnosed with a condition that causes me to be extremely fatigued, or I can blame it on something that may be more acceptable - I'm an old man now, at least by the standards of most young whipper-snappers.

As it is, you just never know. If I feel like doing something, I may do it and if I don't feel like it, I may not. Just don't ask me why?

My Progress Report

I told some of you that I would let you know what I found out from the Gastroenterologist concerning my liver (hep-c condition). Is it always true that the doctors do not come right out and tell you what you want to hear? I would rather hear, "It looks bad" than to hear medical jargon that really leaves me still in the dark. Really I'd rather hear, "It looks good."

So, what did the doctor say? First they took my blood, three vials, and did the lab work. My enzymes are elevated and my viral load has go back up to 5,200,000 +/-. I wrote about that already on fb. Then, I had radiology done on my liver. I thought I would hear something solid, one way or the other, but, perhaps to my medical jargon ignorence, what I heard was medical jargon that really ........ like I already said. What I was told was that I looked good, or did she say "ok", or was it "fine"? Not sure, but how can that be if my liver enzymes are elevated and the viral load is over 5 million? I was not told that I had improved or 'deproved'. What? Did I hear somebody say, "Well, why didn't you just ask?" My answer is, "I did." Maybe I just can't remember the exact words. My forgetter is working quite well!

I was told that I had gall-stones. We've known that for maybe two years (I was told that back then but, like I said, my forgetter is working real good). At least it is on the record that I have gall-stones, and I was told that if I wanted to have the surgery to remove the gall bladder, just let them know. I asked about disintegrating the stones and was informed that they didn't, wouldn't or couldn't do that. (My forgetter at work again.) Kidney stones...........yes, but gall stones..........no. After asking what the symptoms were for gall-stones and realizing that I was having none of those symptoms, I decided that I didn't want to punish myself with that operation of removing my gall bladder. Now, you understand that I wouldn't have to remove it myself. The doc would do that. :) Hey, I guess the doc says that I'm ok, but with an active hep-c condition,.........I don't know.

I thank God for every day of strength that He gives me. When I feel 'funny', my energy is totally gone, or I'm having brain fog reactions I will just take it easy and know that tomorrow is going to be better. I will keep trying to eat properly (I'm always stumbling with that), and I'll keep my eyes open for some naturel health remedies to whatever ails me. I'll continue to give my regular doctor some blood samples about every 4 mos. Maybe every 6 mos. I'll go back to the gastroenterologist after a year for another check up, maybe. Who knows? The rapture of the church may take place before that time and I hope to be gone if it happens. Otherwise, I still alive and well. Talk to you later!

Depression

Some of you didn't know that I have just gone through a short time (about 3 weeks) of depression, and that's allright. Even I didn't know how to classify it other than just "sad & half mad" - maybe "down in the dumps" but none of those descriptions can rightly identify the feeling. I am even now aware of the factors that got me down and if I meditated on them I'm afraid I'd get right back in the dumps and carry with me some anger. I did my own psychoanalyzing and decided that the feelings I had were not just sadness and anger at myself for my stupid doings, but were signs of depression. This brief experience gives me the idea that it could take over ones mind and cause him or her to do things that he or she would not ordinarily do. I guess I didn't go into deep depression where that would probably happen because I was able to keep my mind (for what it's worth). I was listening to the radio yesterday and found myself listening to a program where issues concerning depression were being discussed. This really made me aware of the seriousness of the matter. I had never given a lot of thought to it, but recognizing some of the symptoms and then taking a test on line that proved to be helpful, I have decided to post this blog. I may still be struggling with a few issues in the corners of my mind, but I'm gonna be alright. The point I want to make is this: Do not take anyones depressed mood lightly. Be there to lend support if needed and to encourage when appropriate. Do not be pushy or overbearing but watch for the opportunity to give helpful input. Look! I'm not a psycholigist nor a counselor, so 'what do I know', but 'for what it's worth' there it is!

I'm Back In The Saddle Again!

I was out of the saddle and down on the ground. The ropes were wrapped around me. I had lost control. I still held the ropes and pulled hard on them, but I knew that something was not happening like I thought it should. I was pulled from side to side, wondering if I’d ever be able to lift myself from the dust and stand with pride to face the crowd. Thanks to those who knew how to help me, I suddenly realized that the rustle and tumble of life was slowing, and I was coming to my senses again. Though I wanted to lie on the ground and nurse my wounds and bruises, I was driven to shake myself, rise to my feet, face the peering mob about me and lift my hands as a symbol of victory even if I felt like disaster had fallen my lot.

Now I miss the old rough ride that I had for so long, and sometimes feel that I am doing it again; but I am not in the same saddle and I can tell that my ride is not the same. Adjusting to the new style is quite a task, considering all the changes that have taken place since I last rode a normal steed, but there is hope for a safer journey, now that we have the assurance that the spurs are not under the saddle anymore. I can only drive as I have known to drive, even though my skill has improved by my last treacherous upset, so I will continue to head in the homeward direction. The sun is falling low in the East and I know that I will soon be arriving at my destination. For now, I can say that I am just happy to be Back In The Saddle Again.

Here's What I'm Doing Now

This is just an update - an overdue update. I am doing so much better these days. Just getting off the medication is an improvement. My regular doctor is keeping a watch on my liver function and my enzyme levels, and thus far all is looking good. Now that I have regained most of my strength and ability, I have accepted an invitation by the pastor of Grace Assembly to work with him at that church. It is the last church that I pastored and I count it an honor to be accepted by the present pastor and members, as an associate. I think I will be able to serve the pastor, the church and God in this capacity with a sense of accopmlishment for ministry. I do not have the desire to pastor any church these days but I do have a desire to do whatever God wants me to do. Right now, I feel like it is to serve in this position.

I am still a member of the North Cleveland Church of God and I still have an active ordained bishop certificate. I keep in touch with the NCCOG and attend some of its functions when possible and I continue to observe my financial obligations to that church. I really wish it were possible for the Church of God and the Assembly of God, and all of the pentecostal fellowships, to be united into one fellowship. That would make us, the pentecostal community, a louder voice in the world and we would be a stronger body, physically and financially, and could therefore do more for God. At least it seems that way. I believe that God is doing His work in this world and He continues to surprise me how and by whom He does it. God is an awesome God. Won't it be wonderful there?!

One of the good things that has come out of all this medical bout that I have been engaged in is a greater appreciation for the more contemporary music of this day. I really do love the music by Casting Crowns, especially the song entitled "I Will Praise You In This Storm". There are other groups that I really enjoy who would not have been accepted by my criteria at a time in my past. Really, I have been expanded, broadened, enlightened, or whatever you want to call it, by my experience. I still love the old conservative songs and good old souther gospel too. What I think I am trying to say is, "I am a better man today than I was yesterday." Let me conclude with this old number:
"We'll work 'till Jesus comes,
We'll work 'till Jesus comes,
We'll work 'till Jesus comes,
And then be gathered home."

I'm Tired, But That's Good

It's time to blog. Yeah, it's past time to say something. You know, I am tired. Don't feel sorry for me though. I'm not tired like I used to be when I was on that hep-c medication. No, I'm tired like a man is supposed to be after he has done some work. Yeah, I mowed my yard again today. Last time I mowed the front one day and the back the next day. Well, today I mowed the front and back. It took me about 1 and 1/2 hours, non-stop. I then rested for an hour or maybe two and by that time, Janis was home and was inspired for 'us' to do some more yard work. :( We worked out in the yard for about an hour. Then I decided I needed to get some bicycling in so I rode to Mimosa Dr., then turned around and rode past my house down to Haywood Dr., then back to my house. I know that wasn't very far but just about half of it was up hill. Anyway, I'm tired.

I had just, yesterday, told my wife and my mother that I was beginning to feel what it was like to be back at work. It really feels good to be able to do something again. You don't suppose that the medication knocked the laziness out of me do you?? Nah! I think I've still got a good share of that, but at least I'm on the road again. I'm not hauling much in my truck but I'm driving! lol

For those of you who may not know, I guess I'd better tell you something. I am an associate pastor at Grace Assembly now. That's the church I was pastoring when I 'retired'. Yeah, that may seem a little strange, but the pastor said that he would like for me to work with him and so I am. I'm still officially a member at NCCOG (North Cleveland Church of God), will still pay 'my' tithes there, and I'm still an ordained bishop in the COG but I will be attending Grace Assembly mostly and focusing my sights on the Senior Adult Ministries. How about that!? Only in Cleveland! Well, look at it like this: That's my job, and I have to work on Sundays and Wednesday evenings, as well as other times. What?? How much do I get paid?? Let's just say, that I will have a great reward when I get to heaven wheather I get material compensations or not, but that's why a retired minister would consider re-entering the active ministry anyway, isn't it? Once a man, or woman, is called to the ministry in any fashion, that call will attach itself to the called one and stay right there until the day they die. Once bent in that direction, the limb will never be the same again.

Well, that's enough for today. I've got to get a warm shower, get some clean clothes on and start thinking about the message that I was asked today to preach Sunday night. I will be speaking at the Michigan Ave. COG.....just in case you want to come! :)

I'm up but not running!

Yes, I'm up. For those of you who may not know, I had surgery Wednesday for a femoral hernia on my right side. I went into the hospital about 10:45 am and left about 7:00 pm. Rushed in and rushed out like cattle. The unit in which they were holding me, before and after surgery, closed at 7:00 pm, and they wanted me out of there before that time. It may have been 6:50 pm, but it was close. Such a rush that they forgot to give me my discharge papers. Now, I know that I wasn't that bad of a patient. I was just thinking.....my pre-op instructions were such as 'no food or liquids after midnight on Tuesday', 'no jewlery or valuables' 'no lotions or body creams' etc., but I could wear deoderant. I was wondering if that ment 'PLEASE wear deoderant'. :) Then again, I did wear deoderant. Must have been the wrong kind!! ha!
Oh well! Anyway, the doctor said the hernia was not as bad as he thought it would be but of course it still needed repair. Plus he strengthened the intestinal wall on the other side and also did a liver biopsy. I was home Wednesday night, up yesterday, Thursday, and feeling even better today, Friday. I'm not supposed to lift any thing over 10 lbs. for two weeks. Yeah, right! I'll probably do it by accident if not on purpose. As you can see, I'm back to my 'hard work' of blogging and computing, but I won't stay on here as long as I have been guilty of in the past. I just thought it would be a good idea to blog while I ate my dinner, or to some that would be 'lunch', so now you are up to date on my situation. Doesn't that make you feel better? Of course it does.

Ending the Old and Starting the New

The last day of 2007 and the first day of 2008, a Monday and a Tuesday, were days that I will remember for some time. I awoke on that Monday with pain in my hip joint. It was in the joint and not in the hip. The pain was more in the front of my body, right down in the groin area. I wasn't sure if it was the joint or the muscle. If I walked it seemd to get some better and I thought maybe it would be alright by night time, but instead it got worse. By night time, the pain was so discomforting that I was unable to go to sleep. After calling the hotline for the 24hr. nurse about midnight, and taking a hot bath and shower I was able to finally get some rest and sleep. The next day, I could not even lift my leg up off the floor without pain. I managed to hobble around and lift my leg with my hands when needed and thereby made it through the day. Now this second night I was truly getting better, and the next day I felt so much better that I probably would not have done anything about it if it had not been for my wife and my mother. So, I went to the doctor on the 2nd. - what would have been the third day of pain - and he scheduled me to get an ultrasound the next day. I did, and it was decided that I have a hernia. If that seems weird for the kind of pain I had, let me tell you what kind of hernia it's supposed to be. A femeral hernia. For those of you who would know, that is kinda weird because a femeral hernia is most often found in women, not men. I am a man!!

Well, the nurse made an appointment for me to see a surgical specialist and I went to see him today. We have scheduled the surgery for Wednesday. That would be the 23rd. Tomorrow, I will go to the hospital and register for the surgery. It will take about two hours, so I'm told, to go through all the tests that will be performed and get registered. Then of course, Wednesday will be surgery. It will be a one day thing. In and out on the same day. By using the proceedure that the doctor will use, I should be able to get back to my hard work of retirement :) in about two weeks.

I will try to post another blog as soon as I can after surgery. Your prayers will be appreciated. I still believe that God Has Everything Under Control and I'm looking forward to getting back to some kind of 'normal' life.

I always look forward to hearing from anyone who reads my blog.

What's wrong?

OK!! What's wrong? Nobody but my oldest brother has made any comments on my last blog. Is it because it's too cold outside? Or is it because Barack Obama is hoping to be president of the US? Or perhaps it's because the subject "Church Teachings" is just tooooo hot to touch!!?! Ooooh, just kidding!! I know, we just got out of the Christmas holidays and then the New Year celebrations, trips, and so much going on. But I can't wait any longer. I've got to post another blog or somebody may think I've died and gone to heaven. Now, that's what's wrong with my posting frequency. All those things I just said. In other words, I have no excuse. Well, maybe just a little bit of an excuse. I mean, if it were a matter of life and death, I would have found a way to post another blog, and another and another. But I'm making up for my slackness right now. See? Here's a blog.

Hey! You won't believe what I'm listening to right now. I have another window open on the Internet and I am listening to Casting Crowns. You younger folks will know who I am talking about but for the sake of some of my peers, Casting Crowns is the name of a modern day Christian singing group. Actually, I really do like their music. Maybe it's connected with the idea that when we get old enough we don't worry about what others think about us as much as we used to. Somebody may think that I have gone off the deep end but who cares. It's time for me to enjoy retirement. Right? By the way, peers. Just listen to the words if you can't take the music. They really are saying something. I don't think their music is bad either.

Let me get a little more serious now. I finally got around to seeing my doctor yesterday. You see, Sunday I was fine, but Sunday night I was bothered with a feeling like a cramp in my leg, actually in my hip joint right in front of my body, like right in the groin area, and I had a tough time trying to sleep. When I awoke Monday morning, I couldn't hardly walk. I was limping. But I stretched, laid flat on my back on the hard floor for about 10 mins., walked and worked with my leg as best I could during the day. It got a little better but then at night time it got worse. Now, it is new years eve and I am in pain. Since I have a 24 hr. hot line to a nurse, I think she is in Atlanta, I called her just about midnight. I know she probably thought somebody was high as a kite calling to celebrate new years, but after she asked me all the questions that would verify that I was not 'loopie' and I answered them correctly, I explained to her my problem. To make it short, she suggested that I take a hot bath. Well, I could do that and I did. That did make me feel some better, but the next day was New Years Day! Now, the tradition is that us men get together and go somewhere just to cook breakfast, talk, sing, have dinner or whatever else we feel like doing. Now understand that we usually go to some camp or some place in the mountains etc.

I'm about to get side tracked here. Let me get back. So, my leg got worse that day and I drug it around like a log attached to my body. (Almost!) Just ask Fred, Curtis, Rick, Eddie, Mike, Jason, or one of the several others that was there. Man! I couldn't even lift my leg off the floor at one point and most of the day not over an inch without pain.

Let me make this short. OK? I got better before going to bed and slept fairly well. Saw Dr. Sims Wednesday. He scheduled me back today so I could get a
?sonogram? or whatever you call it. (I'm in a hurry - haven't got time to check my spelling) Dr. Sims thought maybe it was a ?femoral? hernia. (Again, I'm in a hurry) Can you believe that. I won't know the results of the exam until maybe Monday or Tuesday. Anyway, I feel great at this present time. I can lift my leg, walk without limping, and kick the devil in the teeth. Ha! Gotta go now. I'm in a hurry. I don't know why, but I am.

Now that you know what is wrong with me (or if you are still uncertain, I can come in for counseling most anytime) let me know what is wrong or right about you!!

I Will Post Again!

Right now I am between a rock and a hard place when it comes to computing. My computer is presently down, and I am waiting on a part from Dell. Perhaps by the end of the week I will have my computer back on line. I am presently using my wife's computer. That should do, but I don't like the left-handed way she has the layout of her monitor and mouse and I don't like the way I have to open a drawer and slide out the keyboard in order to type. Also, her computer is sooooooooo sloooooooowww (I've got to get here a better computer). I know that is all trivial stuff, but I guess I just like my own computer. Besides, there is a vast amount of information on my computer that I can't get to because it is off line.

I am feeling very well physically. I believe that I am almost up to normal in strength and energy. However, if I've been operating on less than normal for years, while thinking I was normal, then I may have a little further to go, but I'm getting there. When I refer to normal strength, I'm not talking about a muscle bound athelete. I know I've got a lot to do on my muscles. I'm still at 185 lbs. Loosing 65 lbs. should make anyone feel better, don't you think.

I'll try to get back and post something when I get my computer back in operation.

My Last Visit To The Specialist!

Well, well, well! What will I blog about now? Since I have been taken off my medication and the therapy has stopped, I should be feeling better. I am feeling better. Ain't that something? Off the medicine and feeling better! So "my progress" is just going to be gooder-n-gooder. I guess I'll have to blog more about "church, my family, sermon thoughts, theology, other and new things". (see my blog labels)

Let me just say this concerning the doctor visits to Dr. Buchner: It was kinda sad to say good-bye to those nurses. After seeing them so many times, I begin to think of them as my friends. So, why didn't I think of the doctor as my friend? Simple! Believe it or not, I never did even meet the doctor. I wouldn't know him if I bumped into him. I think he only comes to the Cleveland office once a week. Now, he could be comming more than that, but I still never met him and I don't know him. He sure has a good staff though, and I was well pleased with the care I received from them.

On this last visit, Monday, Nov. 12th., for the first time, I didn't loose any weight. As a matter of fact I gained 2 lbs. My blood counts were almost normal. I was almost out of the anemic stage, falling short of it only by a .2 (point two) reading of one of the four or five or more readings that they do. I knew I was getting better. In summary: It was hepatitis-c, geno-type 1b, I completed 28 weeks of the 48 week therapy session, beginning viral load of 7.2 million, mid-term load of 164,000, ending load of 1.02 million, I would not clear the virus, my primary care physician would receive a report of all that was done and he can do the same lab work if he desires. That's the doctor's report but there is another report to consider (See my blog dated Thursday, Oct. 18th., entitled "Whose Report Will You Receive?")

Should there be any important developments concerning my fight with the hepatitis-c virus, I'll probably post something about it on this blogspot.

Here's something new for you to feel sorry for me about. I have to renew my driver's liscense by Nov. 20th. This is the 16th. However, I can't do it yet. I'm waiting for the office of vital statistics in Florida to send me a certified copy of my birth certificate so I can prove to the liscense bureau that I am who I said I was five years ago when they issued me a Tennessee State driver's liscense. Mercy, mercy, mercy! I have my valid Tennessee driver's liscense, with my picture on it, and all the other important info, but that want do. The requirement is that since this is my first renewal, I must have my birth certificate. I ask you now. Does that mean that they are admitting to the possibility that they may have liscensed me illigally? Sounds like it to me. Well, the best way for me to respond to all that is just like I am doing now. I've put a rush order in for my birth certificate and I'm waiting. When it comes, I'll just go down to the liscense bureau office and take my number and go through the mill for my renewal. I'll not grumble nor complain. Err...ah, is that what I am doing now? Complaining? I'll get over it.

I Was Wrong!

I hope the way I am handling the dissappointing news from the doctor will help to encourage someone. I know that I am not in pain and some of you may be. I really wish I could tell you how to get rid of the pain without taking the medicine. I can tell you that I believe in God and I believe that He can take your pain away. Will He? If you've never asked Him, you may never know, but even if you continue in pain, I believe that God will give you some kind of strong endurance to survive. Expect and believe that better days are comming. I am not always right about everything that I think I know, but sometimes, the alternative to faith does not work. What then can we do??????

(For about a year and a half now, I have preached only about once per month, so if what follows seems to be a little "preachy" maybe you will bear with me and allow me to say these things.)

I was wrong when 10 years ago the blood collecting agency in Lake Charles, LA tried to tell me that I had hepatitis-c. I decided that there was nothing wrong with me. I was wrong.
I was wrong when Dr. Sims, here in Cleveland, sent me to Dr. Buchner to see if the hepatitis-c was active. I told the nurse that she would see, when the results were in, that it was inactive and I was alright. I was wrong.
I was wrong when after 28 weeks of treatment for hepatitis-c, the virus had not cleared. I just believed, and said, that the virus was gone. I was wrong.
Now, I am saying that God has touched my body and I am going to be alright. Even if I should die with hepatitis-c, I am not going to die because of hepatitis-c.
No doubt, somebody will say, “You are wrong again.”
My reply to that comes from The Bible.
1 Corinthians 10:30 (TLB) If I can thank God for the food and enjoy it, why let someone spoil everything just because he thinks I am wrong?
As Job says in Job 19:4 (TLB) And if indeed I was wrong , you have yet to prove it.

Now I ask you? What do you think I should do? Lay down and give up, or roll over and play dead? That may be an alternative, but it's not for me.

Listen to Jeremiah 8:4-5 (TLB) … When a person falls, he jumps up again; when he is on the wrong road and discovers his mistake, he goes back to the fork where he made the wrong turn….
Proverbs 29:25 (KJV) The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe.
Proverbs 3:5 (KJV) Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
Psalms 118:8 (KJV) It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.

Let me remind you (Hebrews, Chapter 11) of Abel, who offered unto God a more excellent sacrifice - Enoch who was translated that he should not see death - Noah, who being warned of God of things not seen as yet, moved with fear, prepared an ark to the saving of his house - Abraham, who when he was called to go out into a place which he should after receive for an inheritance, obeyed; and he went out, not knowing whither he went - and Sara who received strength to conceive seed.

And what happened to them? Hebrews 11:13 (KJV) These all died in faith , not having received the promises, but having seen them afar off, and were persuaded of them, and embraced them, and confessed that they were strangers and pilgrims on the earth.

Conclusion: Job 13:15 (KJV ) Though (God) slay me, yet will I trust in him: but I will maintain mine own ways before him.

Whose report will you receive?

I wrote this late last night (Wednesday night) but did not post it, so here it is!

I have anxiously anticipated this day when I could give you this 24 week report. Well actually, it has been more like 27 weeks. I really expected to tell you that the virus was totally cleared and I only had 20 more weeks of treatment to go. That is not the report that I have to give, however. Really, I have two reports to share with you.

The first report is what I received from the doctor’s office today (Wednesday). There is both good news and bad news here. First, the bad news. The virus has not cleared. The report says that my viral load increased from 164,000 to 1,020,000. That’s an increase of 856,000. So, the doctor feels that the treatment is not working and there is no point in continuing with it. That brings the ‘good news’, of a sort. I do not have to continue the treatments. That means when the medication works its way out of my body I should have no more side effects and get back to ‘normal’. My hair should stop falling out, I should have less dramatic emotional reactions, and hopefully, less extreme fatigue.

If that report is not good enough, then here’s the second report. Actually, I got this one earlier but I’ll call it the second one. The past week or so I have been feeling better and Sunday was a great day. Sunday night we were standing in the church singing. I can’t remember all the songs that we sung, but I definitely remember one of them. We were singing, “Can’t Nobody Do Me Like Jesus”. Do you know it? Well here it is on youtube. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qe65um19-bw No, that’s not our church choir but it is the song we were singing. Anyway, I was feeling pretty good while we were singing and when we got to the verse that says, “He healed my body and He told me to run on,” I just felt so strong that it was for me. I looked over at Janis and I told her, while trying to keep from crying, “He healed my body and He told me to run on.” She agreed. I just knew that there was something going on. You know what I mean? After about another verse, I felt so impressed that I should tell my Mother what I felt, that I sat down and bent over to her and said, “I’ve gotta tell you what I feel like God has said. He healed my body and He told me to run on.” I had just as much difficulty, or more, trying to keep from crying that time as when I told Janis. Now, I believe that God was trying to minister to me. He knew what the doctors report was going to be today (Wednesday), based on the blood work taken last Thursday, but God’s report came to me on Sunday, based on faith in His Word.

I’m here to tell you that God has touched my body. I am off the medication as of today and I want you to help me to believe that I am healed. How can you help me? Don’t speak any doubt to me. Say only words of encouragement, and rejoice with me. Ironically, I can say that I may die “with” hepatitis-c but I do not believe that I will die “because” of hepatitis-c. Do you follow me? I was told when I received the doctors report that the nurse said something like what I just said, and I may have revised it a little but that’s the essence.

Whose report will you receive? Whose report will I receive? I shall receive the report of the Lord. I thank God for every ounce of health in my body and for every breath of air that I breathe. If the rapture doesn’t happen first, I plan on being around for 15 or 20 more years. To God be the Glory!

My Health Progress and My Honey-Do Progress

It's been ten days since I have posted a blog! Shame on me! But I have been moving right along. Some 'up' days and some 'down' days. I have just finished week number 24 of my 48 week journey. At my next doctor visit, I will give a little more blood for the test that will determine the viral load. If you remember, I started with a 7.2 million reading and after about 13 weeks it was down to 164,000. That's good, Yeah! I'm expecting to hear them tell me that the load is undetectable when I get the results from my next encounter with the blood needle. Hmmmmmmmmm! I will still have the remainder of the 48 week journey to complete, so I may still have some days that are not real good but what I've experienced thus far, I can cope with for 24 more weeks, if I just don't get sick and tired of being sick and tired.

Just so you'll know that I am not an invalid, here are some pictures of what I have been doing. Those of you who remember the way it was will perhaps appreciate it more than others. Oh, and also, this is not really just so you can see that I'm doing good in my body, but it is also for the purpose of bragging I suppose. :o - lol

Just Ramblin!

Tomorrow night, Wednesday, will be the beginning of week #23 for me of my medical therapy. That means only 25 more weeks to go. I'm almost half way through this ordeal. I've not been doing any work since Friday, so I have been doing pretty good. I plan to start back to my 'honey do' chores tomorrow. That may wear me out, but I can't just sit here and do nothing. Now, I'll admit that I sit at the computer a lot but as much as I enjoy it, I still get tired of it sometimes. I could go shopping all day at Wal-mart but that would definitely wear me out, plus, you gotta consider the money factor. :( I could visit people all day long, if they were at home, but even that becomes a chore. I think the best thing for me to do is just keep on doing little improvements here on my house, which will probably wear me out. I'll just work slow and rest often and take all the sympathy and attention that my wife offers. Now, I wouldn't take candy from a baby! Would I? ............ Nah!

I have been blessed today with the visit of my brother Fred, and his wife Frances, and my cousin from Florida, Junius, and his wife. They really love God and are wonderful people. We've never had the privilege of getting close to or relatives, so when we have the opportunity we do like to ensure ourselves that we have them. You know, that is the cost of choosing to get close to God. As we tried to get close to Him, He called and said, "Go Preach the Gospel"! So, in order to stay close to Him, we have to go where He says to go and be what He says to be. With my Dad and Mom that was also true. As a result, while I was very young, the Louis Brannen family left Florida to follow God's leading. It was always a highlight to go to Grandma's house for Christmas and occasionally in the summer also. Believe it or not, I did not know that there are so many Brannen's in this world, until I began to discover it on the WWW. I am not alone. The Brannen family is not alone. There are more of us out there. Ain't that something?!

I guess it was about time - Time to sell my boat that I have never moved out of my yard. I've had it about two years and it has not been out of my back yard, so I decided to sell it. I can use the money for something really important you know, like getting a new computer. :) It wasn't a new boat, nor was it a big boat, but I thought surely I would use it and go fishing now and then but I never did. My neighbour is all the time asking me if I am ready to go fishing and I am all the time never ready. I think that is a shame. Fishing is Biblical you know. Oh! and by the way, so is carpentry. I guess if I can't go fishing, I'll just enjoy doing my little bit of carpentry work.

Singing The Blues!

Some of you will remember that old song "You Got Me Singing The Blues!" Here are some of the lyrics: Well, I never felt more like singin' the blues 'cause I never thought that I'd ever loseYour love dear, why'd you do me this way? Well, I never felt more like cryin' all night'cause everythin's wrong, and nothin' ain't right Without you, you got me singin' the blues. The moon and stars no longer shine The dream is gone I thought was mine There's nothin' left for me to do But cry-y-y-y over you (cry over you) Well, I never felt more like runnin' away But why should I go 'cause I couldn't stay Without you, you got me singin' the blues. (-Artist: Guy Mitchell-the # 4 song of the 1955-1959 rock era-was # 1 for 10 weeks in 1956-Words and Music by Melvin Endsley-competing version by Marty Robbins hit # 17) That was along about the time when I was really enjoying that kind of music and I still remember it.

Right now, I want to sing that song to my medication. It's got me feeling kinda blue, but I don't feel much like singing. It had me nearly in tears earlier this afternoon. I tried to keep a straight face for Janis though. If she would have asked me how I felt at that time, I'd probably have broken out in a little crying session. I think it was yesterday, I picked her up from school and tried to tell her how I had felt that day and I couldn't. So far these "crying the blues" spells have not happened in a public place. Thank goodness. I mean a man ain't supposed to cry! Right! Well, that's what some think, but I believe it's good for the soul. Now, it has happened a few times in church but that's OK. People just think, "Oh, bless his heart! He's really getting a touch from God." You know something!? Even though the tears may be helped by the medication, I believe it still does a work on the inner man. I am learning something through all this and I hope I don't forget how to cry when I'm off medication.

Tuesday and Wednesday I felt 'rung out' most of the day. Wednesday night of course, I gave myself another shot. Today, Thursday, I have been pretty much worthless. Here's hoping that tomorrow I will feel more energetic. However, I do think I'll take it easy and not try to do any work on my house since I've reached a stopping place for now. It's crazy! For me to want to have another project that I can do on this house, is plain crazy. Something is happening to me. I feel lost if I don't have something to do. It's usually always been (in the last 10 years anyway) that I didn't want to do anything. All my time was taken by sermon preparation and church life. Man, what a change since I have resigned pastoring.

As I sit here and type this blog, thoughts keep coming to my mind about something that I need to add. I'll try to add, or clarify something and then something else pops into my mind. The little man inside my head says, "You need to tell them this, you need to tell them that, if you don't they won't understand what you're trying to say." Well, little man, just be quiet. I've got to bring this blog to a close and go to bed.

Don't fret for me. Just comment something like "I'm thinking of you," or "Just want to say Hi," or you could even wright something more if you want to. I understand that there are no.........Well! Little man, quit talking to me. I'm outta here.

I'm Still Here!

I can't believe that it has been eleven days since my last post. How does time get away so quickly? I was too worried about my sister, 'travelin on', not posting anything for so long that I didn't realize that I myself am guilty of the same thing. Well, she 'recovered' and I guess I can stop worrying about her and pay attention to my own blog.

As usual, I am tired most of the time, and Thursdays are not my best days. Sometimes I think I am getting adjusted to the medication and can do better, but sometimes I am not so sure. Wednesday night Janis gave me a shot in my left arm. I can handle those that are in my thighs and stomach but those in my arm,.....well, I'm glad Janis can do it. That was shot number 21, leaving 27 to go. At number 24 (that is week 24) it will be time for another viral count or viral load reading. I believe that right now the viral load is undetectable. I'll let you know what I find out. Now, it may be four or five weeks actually before they take the lab work for that reading, but when I find out what it is, I'll let you know.

Right now, I am tired from doing that 'honey do' job in the kitchen. If you remember what my kitchen looked like, you need to see it now. Well, give me a few more days or so to finish up, then come and see it. For an amateur, it's not bad. Of course that opinion is from the very amateur who did the work. ha! Hey! But my wife likes it, and if she's happy..... I removed the entire oven unit. You know. The oven-in-the-wall thing that stood right in the middle of the kitchen. I pulled out the stove top and replaced it with a slide in stove (man those things are expensive), raised the vent-a-hood about six inches and built a counter behind the stove in the dinning room. Have I got you confused yet? Just come on over and see it when you can and if I'm not completely finished, it may be that you can tell me how to do it. You see - I told you I am an amateur at this kind of thing so I may need some advise. By the way. It's not my daddy's fault that I am not a better carpenter. Ya know what I mean?

Momma still has it in her ya'll. She just got back from Whynot, MS where she preached a revival for Ray Fulcher at the Water Valley Pentecostal Holiness Church. They had a good revival. She preached twice on Sunday and then through Wednesday. She said she preached kinda like the way she did when she was young and preached hard every night. My cousin-in-law, Ed Dickerson, is trying to get her to come and preach a revival for him at the Hudson Chapel Church of God just out of Union, MS. I think there are plans, tentively in the making, for the time when spring break comes. Ed's wife stella teaches and my wife Janis teaches. Ed & Stella want me and Janis to come with Momma at that time and be with them in the revival. That may happen, but I want you to know that when an 86 year old woman can still lay it on the line then surely a 64 year old man can do it. I'm not finished. I'm not washed up. I'm on a God given leave of absence and do expect to return to a useful state of being when God is finished with my healing.

I'll try to post again soon. Sooner next time than this time. Hopefully! May the Good Lord bleeeeessss and keep you, 'til we meeeeeet aaaaaahhhhgiiiiinnnn!

Off The Top Of My Head! (Not talking about hair)

Sorry I haven't blogged lately. I've either been too busy or too fatigued to take the time to write something meaningful. But then, if you look at my other blogs, some of them may not have been very meaningful. So I guess that means I can just sit here without a predetermined thought in mind and just blog.

Let me tell you what's been going on. I've been trying to re-do (that's a word related to honey-do) my kitchen when I feel 'up to it' and that just makes me feel 'down and out' if I work very much. I've learned to just work until I'm tired, then rest. Then I go back at it and work a little more and then rest again. Also, I've learned that I do not have to do it all today, so I don't get in a hurry. As a matter of fact, sometimes I drag along so slow you could probably watch the dead lice fall off of me if there were any there. ha ha! Some weeks I have four or five pretty good days and some weeks its like a long drawn out sentence.

You know! I've always thought of myself as a perfectionist. If I did something, I wanted it done right. Not only right, but complete. And by the way, 'right' and 'perfect' are to be understood as "right as I see it" and "exactly my way". Sounds a little like pride and arrogance doesn't it? Well, that's what it is. It's perfect if I think it's perfect. It's right if I think it's right. So, as I was saying, I always wanted to do things my way and if they didn't go just right, I would quickly loose interest in it's completion. Unfortunately, that resulted in many unfinished projects. I said all that, to say this - I'm learning to do a little here and a little there, and a little here and a little there, and to keep on doing a little here and a little there and the next thing you know, I'll be near completion. Even if I have to stop and tear out some of my work and start over anew, If I just don't get overwhelmed with the thought of "hurry up and do it and do it right", the job will get done. So it turns out that I think I am doing more of this honey-do stuff, now while I am sick from this medication, than I did when I was supposed to be well. I do see a regrettable truth hidden here: Janis is going to put it together after a while, and realize how lazy I have been these past several years, and she will probably decide, after I'm finished with my treatments, that it's time for me to go back to real work. OOooooooooohhhh! Well, I can't ride this ship forever. Perhaps by that time, I will then feel like going back to work.

Oh! Here's something! I'm thinking about going back to school at Lee University. Yeah! Really! The University is offering a special program to seniors, over 60. Here's what I understand: I will have to pay a registration fee of $50.00 and by my books for the course. That's it financially. It covers the tuition for two classes (6hrs.) per semester. Let me say it this way: It will cost me $50.00 per semester to take 6 hrs. of college credit, and I must buy my books (those can be high). Now, is that not good? Or what? It also allows me to get a student I.D., attend classes and participate in the school functions just like any student. I can audit the class or take it for credit (same price). If you didn't read it in the Cleveland Daily Banner or the Bradley News paper, you may think I'm kidding, but just log on to http://www.leeuniversity.edu/ and check it out. It's called the Encore program. When I first read it, I got excited, and planned to go right away and see about signing up, then in a few days I was reminded how this treatment can take away ones excitement and cause them to possibly abort any new projects. Now, you know I don't want to do that. I think I may try to audit one course and see how it works out. After completion of my treatments, I should surely be able to "milk this cow dry".

Enough said today! I hope you all are doing great. Check back soon!

Hair Today and Gone Tomorrow!

Well, it's been 16 weeks now since I started treatment. I was told of the possibility of hair loss but until now, I seem to have dodged that side effect. I would guess that I have lost about half of my hair since it started coming out in the shower about 8 weeks ago. I've always lost some hair from time to time when I showered, but it is getting down to serious business now. I have always had plenty hair. I mean it has always been thick. Now, my scalp is beginning to show through the hair. Looks like it may be another month, maybe two and I'll do what my son did. He shaved his head. He did it because he was going bald anyway and because of the style, but if I shave my head it will be because of the loss of hair.

My wife knows about hair loss. When she went through chemo-therapy for cancer she began to loose her hair after about one month of treatment. Then it was about 1 or 2 weeks when she had lost so much hair that we shaved her head. What a strong lady she was and is. Now, she has her hair back,...all she wants of it. I'm not complaining. Folks who don't know me would not realize that it's coming out. Right now I have enough to cover my head very well, but I'm afraid it will be gone tomorrow.

If I loose my hair, I will get it back...........won't I?

The Danger Of Becoming Too Professional!

First let me tell you that I feel like Ms. Trew, the nurse practicioner that I see, and Misty, who usually tries to take my blood for the labs, are two of the wonderful people in my life these days. They show so much concern and compassion. However, I am a little confused.

When I talked to the nurse about my viral load, which was down from 7.2 million to under 200,000, I was disappointed that she didn't express great joy and excitement about the results. When she told me the reading, I had to pause and calculate the numbers in my mind, and then she said very matter-of-factly, something like, "What we have is a viral load of......." It sounded to me like, "Well, we didn't knock it all out in the first 13 weeks. You still have this much viral load." I'm listening and wondering and thinking, "Well, isn't that good? The reading was to be less than about 700,000 and it was less than 200,000. Am I missing something here?"

I called 'Be In Charge' and got some support for my thoughts, that the doctors and nurses just do not want to influence our decision as to wheather or not we continue the treatment. If they show too much excitement and I choose to go on with the medication, and then it fails....., well, they may feel that they have put themselves in jeopardy.

Is there anything wrong about wanting the doctors personal opinion. He is well educated in the field and I am a dummy. He is a specialist. I'm a 'jack-of-all-trades and master-of-none". Besides, I'm paying the doctor a ton of money. Yes, it's the insurance that's paying, but if I buy a new car, I want some sound advice about that car. I have bought and paid for insurance. It doesn't belong to the doctor. It belongs to me. The insurance company is my advocate with the doctors, hospitals, pharmacies, etc. Yeah, I know. Sometimes it is hard to get the insurance company to pay up for us, but when they do, we should get what we have bought. I got instruction on a lot of stuff and I got a prescription. I go to the doctor's office once a month to let the nurse see that I am still alive and to give more blood and then I pay my co-pay and the doctor bills the insurance company for the rest. I go to the druggest once a month for my refills and again pay the co-pay and the pharmacist bills the insurance company for the rest of the huge price of this medicine. I give myself the shots and I take the pills. I struggle with extreme fatigue, flu-like symptoms, emotional rollercoasters, itching, mental stupaficity (that's a new word I just now created), and my hair is getting thinner and thinner.

What I want is for that nurse and all the staff in the office to have a party and celebrate with me.

I guess that would not be very professional for them.